Thursday, April 12, 2018

Ducks v Sharks Playoffs Series Preview...In Pictures

[Bad ass classic cartoon by @earlsleek]

Round One. Ducks v Sharks: Hella California Hatred

It's finally here: the 2017/2018 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs! Somehow, and Anaheim managed to make it! Crazier yet, they took 2nd place in the Pacific (thank GOD! No Pacific Division Title).

Anaheim will match-up against the San Jose Sharks in what will be a repeat of the 2009 post-season first round which Anaheim took in 6 games. I figured I'd go ahead and pump out a sweet preview but you're all (the 2 of you) in for a treat! This year, I'll be doing a preview of key Sharks players that the Ducks will need to look out for!

So, sit back and enjoy this stupid shit!


[The adorable good-looking Captain]


Joe Pavelski

The Sharks captain (10th one in like 2 seasons) is as cute as they come with that dream-like smile who will fool you and can cause damage. A solid-sexy player. I couldn't find a photo of a hot Shark, so Ive opted to use a cute drawing of one

No, I don't have a man-crush on him. No.









[The hipster dman/former a homeless person]
Brent Burns

There's no other way to say, but this #1 high-caliber defenseman is as good as they come. Removed from living on the streets when San Jose made one of the most charitable moves, he no longer lives out of a box.

*Beard not photographed




[The ugly turned solid center whilst still being ugly Shark]
Logan Couture

Despite being one if the ugliest dudes I've ever seen and sustaining his fair share of injuries these past few seasons, this Sharks alternate captain has proven that nothing will keep him down, and he's good. He has the ability to paralyze you with his train-wreck looks before putting one in the back of the net. Ducks goaltender, John Gibson, will need all that it takes to divert his eyes if Couture gets a breakaway.






[The skinny-as-hell-but-good goalie]
Martin Jones

This Stanley Cup champion who hoisted a Cup when he was changing LA Kings goaltender Jonathan Quicks diapers in 2014 took the Sharks to the finals the following year where they lost to the Pittsburg Penguins. Will he have what it takes this season? We shall find out. For now, someone give the kid a sandwich.





[The old injured veteran]
Joe Thornton

The Sharks will start their playoff campaign without their grizzled ol' veteran who hasn't played since late january due to an MCL injury. He has been skating with the team as of late, and may even join them this round. If he does, the Ducks will have the chance to throw popcorn and spit wads at his big bushy beard.




I know that there are other key players to the Sharks lineup, but I don't feel like including them. What I do know is that this should be an exciting series. I'm just glad Anaheim won't have to see those inbred bastards from Nashville until the WCF.

Game one starts tonight at 7:30. You can see it on your national NBC network channels such as the DYI network/Golf Channel or some dumb crap like that.

Go Ducks!

Prediction: No rad on-ice image projection yet again from Anaheim at the Honda Center. Instead, some boring-ass production that involves someone playing Bro-Hymn on a kazoo.