Sunday, April 9, 2017

Ducks Gameday: Post season, here we come!...sorry, LA.

"Golf Kings, Golf!"

The end is finally here! 

The Anaheim Ducks play hosts to those a-holes from LA in the last game of the regular season before the "Second Season" begins...except for the Kings, but that doesn't mean they won't try to play spoilers with Anaheim just 1-point away from surprisingly and unexpectedly clinching the Pacific Division title for the fifth consecutive season. Meanwhile, the Kings will get an early start to teeing off for the next 6 months. But where did it all go wrong? LA is always considered to be Cup contenders since 2012 and in the last three seasons, they've only managed to win one playoff game. Let's take a quick jaunt down the sinking ship of season for our rivals just north up the I-5.

It started with the tragic removal of captaincy to the biggest douche noodle who has ever worn the letter, Dustin "Whoops! Those Were Your Knees??" Brown. It seemed as though his constant applying of wet-willies and non-stop team bench crop dusting was just too much forcing GM Lombardi to give Frankenstein looking enthusiast, Anze Kopitar, a promotion which help the new Cap'n reach a careers best recording an awe-inspiring 12G/40A for this season. Los Angeles' herculean march to the putting green was assisted when Jonathan Quick manage to temper tantrum his way to a groin injury which sidelined him for 4 1/2 months. Peter Budaj was called upon to fill the #1 goaltending void, and held his own so well that he was rewarded by being traded to Tampa Bay for a struggling Ben Bishop. The Kings also decided to throw their hat in the Geriatrics ring by picking up Metamucil advocate, Jerome Iginla, in hopes of pulling the team into actual playoff contention! Fortunately, the ship had already sprung leaks and was taking on water. 

And so, here we are today. Anaheim and Los Angeles in the final game of the season. The Ducks control their fate as to who they will match up with in the first round which will either be San Jose or those perverts from Calgary. The Kings won't make it easy before they enjoy their summer of trying to get their balls out of sand traps, but hey, offseason doesn't matter, right? 

Go Ducks!

Prediction: Immense eye rolling from oh-so clever comments such as: "2 > 1", "you'll be out in the 1st round", "...game 7" by Kings fans in attendance while their "Go Kings, Go" chants slowly turn into shouts of "Fore!"

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