Stanley Cup Playoffs Round 2 Preview

[McBiscuit: "Dammit, Leon! Did you ask Big Dumb to spell 'cat' again?! Look at his face! You broke him!" photo: R. Carr/Getty Images]

Ducks v Oilers: Great, another fucking team from Alberta. Thanks, San Jose.

With the Ducks making hasty work by sweeping those Perverts from Calgary, they prepare for the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs where they'll match up against...ugh...another team from that wasteland, aka Alberta, the Deadmonton Oilers. 

The Oilers have found themselves moving on to round 2 by sending the San Jose Shorks back to their choking ways after dispatching them in 6 games. Tonight, Anaheim and Deadmonton start their series. Hashtags - "Paint It Orange" and the "Orange Crush" will clash in what I am now calling, "The Eyesore Series" because of all the damn orange which will take place on both sides.

We can all agree that this isn't your typical Oilers team who were the norm in the draft lottery after consistently letting their supporters down for about 300 straight years. Now, they have proven their doubters wrong by being an offense danger with that one dude, Connor McNugget, whose unreal talent is, what I can guess, gained from a combination of Devil's Dandruff, good ol' crack, and Angel Dust. Suffice it to say, it won't be that easy for Anaheim. With that, here are a few keys for the Ducks to be successful against these assholes from that Alberta shit hole: 

Connor McMuffin: Ryan Kesler will have the task of shutting down the Oilers star crackhead and captain. They'll also succeed if they find a way to stop his pusher from supplying him with his sweet-sweet drugs.

Zack Kassian: During game play, inform him that Ted Nugent wants to meet him, and fake a dinner invitation. Being the dim-witted, redneck moron that he totally is, he'll be so excited that he won't think of anything else.

Cam Talbot: Blackmail him with the fact that we know his true identity as the singer of Maroon 5. Come on, Adam Lev-I mean-Cam, you're not fooling anyone...

Patrick Maroon: Easy. Just engage him in a spelling contest.

Should be a fun one!

Go Ducks!

Prediction: I'll hold another bake sale and possibly a car wash to raise funds so that I can pay the refs to not give any power play chances to the Ducks AT ALL during this second round. Worked last round! Also, Maroon clogs every toilet in the visitors dressing room.